fill me in

Reality of life is spanking hard on me; conformity is the ultimate goal of individuals whom have just entered a new environment. You want to have the sense of belonging, perhaps, a company or two. Your brain will chant the same words all over again, " I need friends! I need friends!", consciously or not, it becomes your mantra over the period of time. Its the desperation that drives you, makes you bold out of the blue, and you have this surge of empowerment to come up front to a stranger and utter your first few words with great confidence. You'll line up your words as perfect as possible, with clear articulation (and sometimes, a fake slang). First impression counts and you want it to be good, at times, you tend to delude yourself. Once you have gone through the stages of matching and pacing, you'll feel at ease and wouldn't take much notice of your surrounding. You'll shun those who are trying to befriend you, subconsciously. You'll stick to your clique, and enjoy the warmth, connection, chemistry and everything thats oh so pleasant; you'll pocket it and replay it over the next 2 days when you are not them.

I want to break the norm. I do not want to fit in because I am particularly not of the same breed as you. I am kidding myself from the start. The initial mindset was stuck in my head, so comfortably, it refuse to budge. Enlightenment came and now, I see it in a different perspective all together. Who ever said that such breed do not exist here, where I am, right now? With the nature of my course, I was expecting to be overwhelmed by intellectual individuals whom I'll loathe dearly; though they are a source of motivation. And I applied the impression to all courses. A grave mistake on my part, cause I would rather not waste my time to try and socialize with you, when we are world's apart.

Dude, your sense of humour is putting you down. It reflects your immaturity, and you're so lacking in it. And babes, you don't have to laugh your heads off, as if he just made the most funniest joke of the century. Why bother giving him the attention, unless you want to be part of him and the cheap fame, well, who am I to stop you? You can ostracized me, for all I care. Its your loss, in some way or another. You can forking give a black face while singing a birthday song dedicated to me. Somehow, it disturbed me for a short moment, almost spoilt my big day, yet at the end of it, I still had a good one. Why so? Cause you do not matter enough to ruin it. I am just not your kind, and I wouldn't want to be one.

Yes, I want to keep my passion and interest going. I want to feel rooted and be able to speak with fluency again. I'm losing it and its difficult to revert back. And even if I did, I wouldn't be in your breed either, for you're making it sound like you're throwing profanities, every time you start shooting those harmless words. You're destructing the whole beautiful structure, bovine. I'll keep on rolling my eyes, as much as I care and can.

I do not have any overt intention upon writing this post. Its subtle, so conclude with your own judgement. It might hit a nail on someone' head. Dude, reality hurts, remember? I'm doing you a favour by waking you up from your long slumber. Its about time.

SCENE 1
In the bus

I was in the bus, catching up with dear Yan Qi, when it started to pour; cats and dogs and elephants.

SCENE 2
At the bus stop across home

I finally alighted, I rang home for Dad to pick me up with an umbrella but there was silence. My battery failed on me, it died and refuse to revive itself. I cursed and swear. A well dressed man was nearby, so I came up to him and ask for a favour; to borrow his phone. I cursed and swear even harder this time when he told me to look for public phones.

SCENE 3
Somewhere, after walking a distance, still walking, still across home

The rain poured even harder, and I was getting desperate to get home and do my MEDSOC. I was walking when a sudden gale of wind blew on me. Fear engulfed me, because it was dark and I was alone. (camera closed up) The thoughts of TPO rushed in; heart secretly hoping this shall be the moment. This shall be the date where we shall meet, when fate gives in to us. (slow motion effects) He'll come with an umbrella and offers to bring me across, safely. He'll ask me to come closer and is more than willing to be drenched.

It was still pouring. And there was no sight of TPO. With the sudden remembrance of me participating in 4 X 100m annually, I ran across the road and gave out a sigh of relief once I reached my estate.

SCENE 4
In my room

TPO, wherefore art thou? Where were you when I need you the most? Heart sank, reality slapped me and I was too disappointed to think more about the whole thing.
(camera pans a landscape view of the estate)

There, this post shall keep you entertained and it'll set you thinking for days and weeks to come, for I have decided to skip this daily routine, for now. Assignments will fill my mind at its brim, and datelines are scarier than banshees. You'll have to overcome them or they'll scream your heads off. Later.