Loser to eternity

You suck.Great, I cried a moment ago.1 day full of emotions. Even if you were to read this, it wouldn't be a big deal for you, but say I'm sensitive or whatever, it affects me.People so look down on me.Why do people exist in the first place. No, why should I exist?Ok in the first place, I looked down on myself.I shouldn't have let those people dampen my spirits, but they just did.Criticise, insult, talk behind my back and be sarcastic for all I care. Fine I'm ugly, nerdy, silly and stupid! Happy?! If you're not interested to be my friend, don't pretend ?! I rather have no friends in the whole than seeing you pretend to be one. In the first place, who in the world would want to befriend me if given a choice?

I hate your pretence.Just because you want to save yourself.I've been thinking about them but I shouldn't care to do so in the first place because they never did spare at least a thought for me.Why would they care? I never came across their minds.I'm nobody right? I'm not popular, not pretty, not talented.Nothing.Useless.Simply a rubbish to your sight.Even the most filthiest thing would stand a better chance.I can't even do things right and so slow in everything.Fine.

You scoop down so low to be popular.I've seen through you. My impression totally changed about you.And I'm going to stay on with this impression for as long as I live. So that I will never come across people like you.I'm waiting for you to drop the pretence.I don't mind for you not being my friend. I really don't.

READERS: if you're reading this, don't try to guess or fit in yourself with the person mentioned. It doesn't help at all. Trust me.

Now, I really want to get lost from this school. I've no precious memories here. Its all the encounters of the bad sides of life. I miss primary school. No backstabbing, rolling off eyes, drama, pretence and emotions. Friends were for real.Friendship was treasured.

I suck in oral I do. I got 30 out of 40. The highest is 33.Good? No. You're totally wrong. Might be the stress is getting into me that I think I'm a total failure.I can't throw my pathetic and wishful thinking on my part to become a radio presenter.I totally don't have what it takes or looks.Rubbish.I shouldn't even think about it. Me? Being a Malay host. Dream on. I can just throw the dreams away. It will never happen.

I'm always not good enough right? Fine, I won't like guys anymore because they won't be even cared to look at me, shouldn't think of becoming someone great when I'm such a loser and shouldn't even pray that one day I will be beautiful woman.

I shall live like what it is destined and be a loser for all I care. You don't care too, I know.

(Thanks to Farhan and Asyikin. I feel a little better now. That's what a true friend does.)