ROTTEN APPLE (edited)

Sometimes, I feel that I am breathing on a dream.

Its as though I am casting a shadow without an occupant,

expecting something that is unexpected,

the relish and anticipation that do not fruit results.

Its there, but its not.

Its a belief that you would be glad to let it go,

but you are tied down with it.

You live to believe it.

You keep on seeking and searching,

and sometimes you do not know what you are looking for.

You have an aim but you do not know where to go

and how to achieve it.

You are wishing upon a star without knowing why.

You know your wishes will not be granted, but you still spur on.

It becomes a routine, a practice and it runs in your blood.

You will be trampled on and fall on your feet.

People will laugh their heads off and bark at you to stay to your grounds.

They'll throw harsh words at you.

They say you are out of your mind.

And no matter how hard reality smacks you on your back,

you pick yourself up,

and you move on.

It becomes a cycle

and you have no idea when it will come to an end.

Neither do I.

Its gibberish, I know. I swear I have no idea what is on my mind at this present state/time. I need to get a grip. Or maybe I am stating a point that nobody will probably understand because its within me. Maybe its PMS, or maybe, I'm being myself. The crappy and useless girl who spouts nothing but empty words. Fuck, I feel like a rotten apple. I hope its PMS, cause I want this feeling to go away. I loathe deluding myself and act perky all the time. You know what, fuck, whatever.

I'll probably wake up feeling better the next day.