Z: Where art thou?

Palavering, and thats the forte of all girls. Perhaps, this word would be a polite replacement of gossiping and just having a girl's talk. I recalled a time where the Student Leaders were at St John island; there were Fatin, Hannah, Melissa, Nuqman, Kiong, Leonard and myself. While the other leaders were out enjoying the night view (and the chilling breeze), we were just killing time after clearing up the kitchen, having weird and random conversations. At that point in time did I realised that boys do not have deep conversations, regardless of subject, with the presence of girls. Probably, they wouldn't want to expose their sensitivity and soft side. I have experienced boys gossiping before, and yes, they can be far off worst than girls. Well, its not as if I was welcomed to hear it nor do I have any relations with them, but I could not help but to hear. Its a hard fact, boys are still aliens to me and not to mention how annoying they can possibly get. Here are TV dramas portraying how the difference in both sexes can cause a huge cold war between couples.

At times I wonder, if I were to have a serious relationship with a guy, would it be difficult to comprehend and give in? Regardless of the similarities and chemistry that we share, there will still be the clear distinction. I am aware that I am not at all ready or matured enough to have a relationship, but sometimes, you feel lost and lonely when you have no one to dearly think of everyday. I mean, no matter how much you love your mum, you would not think of her every single breath you breathe, right? Endearments for your beloved or to whom you are admiring is acceptable, but not to the extend of causing the individual to eschew you even more.

Bestfriend in lover, and I like that term which I picked up from Filzah's blog. Its somewhat like a platonic relationship. I personally think that such relationship will work out well. You know each other; inside out, and can accept your partner's flaws no matter how embarrasing it can be, a real test for couples who claim their love to be a true and formidable one. The next phase is just to build up the romance. Its probably more effective and long lasting compared to love at first sight.

The Promised One (TPO), another term that I have singled out from Katherine Lim's Leap of Love. Is it absurd to grasp on to this belief that somewhere out there, you and him are destined to be together? Its a matter of time that both of you will be "reunited". Well, probably this works for me because when you have such insecurity about yourself, you want to feel that somewhere out there, someone will give his love to you whole heartedly and accept the flaws that you have. However, with this hope burning, will you promise to do the same? The image of your TPO must be close to perfection, so when he comes by and does not meet your constructed image, would you not accept him? These are my concerns.

Yes, I am aware. The pictures above are of not relevance to my preaching today. Well, I have so many doubts about relationship and I have no idea how mine is going to be like. While the man of my life comes to me, I rather commit myself as a career minded woman.

Gee, I am Huda, for today. Its not as if I do not carry out deep thinking and what not, but its difficult to actually express your inner thoughts and feelings to others. Sometimes, its better not to let it out too much. There are always restrictions to everything, a boundary to not welcome impending doom or uninvited troubles. Okay, I'm quite done for now. Here's a final touch to wrap up (a book that Huda spotted at Vivo City).

"I LOVE YOU, I MISS YOU, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ... YET."