the confession

Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?
Though they fill you up with much hope that you burst with disappointment.
Cause sweetness isn't in your tastebuds -nor your life.
Tell me then.
Why would life steer a straight course and make an abrupt turn to impending doom?
Why light up a gloomy future just to make it all stormy again?
Why paint a perfect picture just to smudge it away?
Life is full of questions.
And they do not have answers.
So to say, I am now drunk in hope.
Or perhaps, shaken with fear and doubts that destiny
decided to call it off.
JUST LIKE THAT.

Yesterday was so disappointing, I thought I am so dead.
The ONLY hope of a dinstinction drained away
and never coming back.
Why make it so difficult luh?
SERIOUSLY.
At the point when I flipped the paper open,
I could have dropped my jaws and never pick it up again.
Okay, maybe I was being too complacent because I thought I had
other subjects to focus more on.
So, is this a way of punishing?
Over such a mild matter?
YOU're kidding me, aren't you?
Its future I'm talking about here.
And I came to find out that the Academy Radio
was filled before I could even reach an inch to it.
Are YOU trying to hint to me that my dream was just a fantasy
and being a radio broadcaster is not my toy?

IF I really have to wave goodbye to MASS COMM,
I see no future coming in.
I AM DESPERATE TO GET THERE AND LIVE MY DREAM.
YOU let me.
Yes, why thank you did.
But it feels like you're taking it back with reasons I think I know.
I tried my best, I really did.
Okay, maybe not but hey, I'm not born as a smart ass.

I'm not blaming you GOD.
But I hope you see my way.
I'll see yours.
I'll comprehend.
I'll accept it.
Only if it brings a better deal.
If you were to take away such small things that I can do,
then I'm nothing to live.
I sense you bless me with strengths that aren't obvious to others,
let it be till forever.
Can it?
I can accept others to mock at me due to my flaws;
be it looks- in particular or incompetence.
I may regret looking the way I am, but I know nothing
can change this.
You stole my confidence by giving me such features,
but I lived with it.
I laughed at it as much as others like to.
So, why, tell me please, why are you taking away the confidence
that you gave through other means?
I do not need anyone to understand;
since none would.
But won't you try to understand, GOD?
If you want to prove to me that this change that you cause
is destroying me,
okay, I'll change to my old self.
The one who spoke less than a sentence,
to avoid getting any attention at all.
The one who was always at the background,
and never noticeable.
OKAY, I'LL BE THAT.

Just grant me the chance, OH GOD.
Cause its killing me.
Thank you for giving me the strength to laugh at anything,
when nothing is within me.
When the laugh was not because its funny,
but to satisfy anyone and everyone
and light up the spirit than to potray an already fugly face.


GOD, DO BLESS ME.
PLEASE DO,
for I am nothing without you.

AMIN.